Saturday, January 27, 2018

BEYOND FACEBOOK: ROGUE K

Dear heavens the adventure today visiting Rogue K way high up and back and beyond civilization where the snow is white and skies are blue and the ice is thick and there are deer and turkeys and red trucks with a skidoo who passed me twice on the same road and I can’t figure out how he/she did that… but never mind all that.

I was actually there to visit the three dogs and two cats I met for they were exceptionally wonderful creatures. So was Rogue K but everybody knows Rogue K is a dear, delightful, kind, loving and wise human being that you know you’ve known your whole life after one cup of tea. I was fed amazing soup and fresh bread and cheese and was spoiled beyond measure! I love Rogue K and not just because she spoiled me but because she is a good human being on this planet who remembers how much a pot of tea can pretty much solve every problem. (Especially tea made in that particular amazing teapot which Rogue K tells me they are all under orders to protect; if the house should catch on fire they are to save the animals and the teapot.) I sincerely believe, although don’t quote me, that she and I have solved pretty much all the problems of Wakefield and Chelsea and at our next session will solve North Korea. At least in our own minds….

The drive up was splendid. Up to Alcove I wondered how it was that the ice that falls in frozen cascades could have the colour of a Mediterranean Sea hot in the sun. That landscape on the way to and indeed where Rogue K lives is magnificent, ripe with the potential of spring and summer and fall colours. It’s plump white sheen was fringed with ochre grasses and grey trees, the startled red of sumacs and the green brush of the conifers.

I was greeted by a lovely gentleman; of wolfish appearance that first came to the side of the door when I had parked and laid his great head in my hands. He is a lovely dog who quietly, gently and graciously led me to the kitchen door where Rogue K had a hug waiting. There is nothing like that in the world of cyberspace.

At Rogue K’s kitchen table I met two lovely old ladies whose white muzzles and tender eyes could make a grown man cry for their simple existence. The cat with the maple leaf nose. What cat has a maple leaf mark on it’s nose! That is madness but there it was. A lovely cat much smaller than the great headed cat that lay napping at the window. A monstrously big-headed cat that!

Outside a woodpecker and bluejays at the feeder. But best of all was Rogue K.

Rogue K has been living there in the farmhouse she grew up in. She has been there off and on over the years. Inside it is a haven of country comfort with lovely knickknacks and a strange blue-water barometer. The stairs from the kitchen to the second floor are worn from generations of use. They remind me of the steps of Notre Dame for some reason. Upstairs the teenage son is entertaining his friend. They are very quiet. As are the animals that come and go around us at the table.

Outside a red barn with new windows and Rogue K tells me how when she was a child her parents would have movies on the second floor of the barn for everyone. They had a projector and couches and she remembers her childhood with great love and fondness. You can see her happy there. The young girl who still has sincere eyes and a gentle heart. You could tell this woman anything and she would still believe in you. She’s that kind of human. She made me feel better and I know she must do this for many people in her life. She fed me macaroons from La Toque in Wakefield. I might have to go to Wakefield more often….

I think Rogue K should run the world. I wish she would. She’d feed us all tea and we’d be fine again.
BEYOND FACEBOOK

It is my New Year's Resolution  2018 and depends seriously on others for its realization.

In 2018 I plan to meet the people in my region that I know on Facebook but do not know in person. Being possibly OCD and possibly controlling and likely deeply dysfunctional and self-absorbed and neurotic on all sorts of levels and caustic and sardonic, I'm attempting to do this alphabetically. I am doing this because I have had a very very difficult two years and it was my friends and family (known and unknown) on Facebook that saved my sanity. Facebook is not all bad. Who else would be there for you at 2:00 in the morning when you find a bat in your apartment?

I'm doing this also so I can get away from Facebook and re-find the real world where hugs are not virtual and people can meet your eyes and speak with real voices. There are things to learn in an instant from the tone, the catch, the timbre and vibrancy of real words from real people in person. We cannot lose this. And there are the landscapes we live in. They are better than anything virtual. You can touch and taste and smell and see far horizons beyond the virtual there where the wind goes and the sun shines and the ground crunches underfoot. Landscapes are not transit stations in life, nor are they only for vacation and recreation. They are living entities we belong to.

I am doing this also because I don't want to always be the needy one. I would like to be needed if only for a cup of tea now and then and a kind word, for you all deserve it and it is the least I can offer you.

I am also doing this because although I'm a happy hermit, I miss my George Himself and need the contact now and then of real people otherwise I'll start collecting many many cats and newspapers and possibly those little plastic tabs from bread bags. I'm sure they're going to be useful one day. Without children and with most people around me working during the day, isolation can be a real problem for many of us who are not good at organized events. I used to have random tea parties for my elderly and oddball friends depending on the need and/or crisis of the moment but they have moved on now. I will have to find myself a new set. Please specify your category: Old, Insane, Artist, Exhausted Parent or all of the above. These are the typical types wandering around during the day in our bedroom community I have found. There are a few more "working from home" types though. That's growing.

Now many people have come and gone on my Facebook site but the ones who still stand are the ones I love. Some of them are new though and I have no idea if I love or hate them. I'm walking around them for the moment, eyeing their shenanigans to see if their shenanigans fit with the shenanigans of my other friends and relatives. We are all weird but in a very particular way. None of my friends are diplomatic. They will fight with me and with each other. That is what I love about them.

If you live outside the immediate region, you'll have to come and visit me. And I can already see what is about to happen. You're all going to tell me you're out of the country. So lets just put you in there somewhere. Please PM me? I also know all of you are rebelling at being slotted into a time slot. It's already gone rogue... sigh... I try. I try. Why do I have so many bloody rebels as friends anyway? And... I'm also visiting regular friends in between so don't be getting all possessive. I'm only human! What on earth do all you people want from me! Haven't I given you everything! What more could you possibly want from me! HONESTLY! However... I digress....

February is the month of the "B"s.






Monday, January 15, 2018

FINAL DRAFT

My Dear Mr. ,

I understand you are our new Minister . Congratulations on your new position.

I am writing to ask you to please verify what has happened to the Municipality of Chelsea’s request for traffic lights and/or stop signs and/or a roundabout at the intersection of Route 105 and Old Chelsea Road. 

As I understand it our Council and Mayor have requested this of your department and can do no more in order to facilitate the amelioration of what can be considered a most difficult intersection. Given the increased tourism traffic and density this intersection is becoming more and more of a problem. I know that this matter has been brought up to Council for many years. They have done all they can do and it is now in your hands. As it has been for quite some time.

Would you please explain why after all this time nothing by the MTQ has been done? Would you be so kind as to share with us exactly where that request to your department has gone?

We in Chelsea have put up with and continue to put up with a huge transformation of our little town. We residents have not asked for much. This is something we have asked for. It is only fair that if you and others are going to create such a tourist destination that you consider this matter immediately.

I am looking forward to your response.

Sincerely yours,

Sylvia Shawcross
Chelsea Quebec

FIRST DRAFT


My dear Mr. ...,

I understand you are our new Minister .... Congratulations on your new position.

Are you over the age of 15? Your photo makes you look very young. Not that there is anything wrong with that…. I’m just saying. The human brain apparently carries on developing until the age of 25 so perhaps I need to structure this letter to you based on whether or not you are over or under that age. I’m going to wildly and irrationally presume that you are over the age of 25 and just extremely photogenic. You lucky man you. And bilingual. Hence the les maudits English.

Okay that’s not right… I’m just projecting the misery of my old age onto his young whippersnapper fresh with his whole life in front of him thing. Not good. Scratch that.

My dear Mr. ….,

I understand you are our new Minister .... Congratulations on your new position.

I’m writing to ask you to please verify what has happened to Chelsea’s request for traffic lights and/or stop signs at the the intersection of Highway 105 and Old Chelsea Road. Please understand that this is not a request so much as a “what the hell is wrong with government bureaucracy that it should take decades! I mean decades! To actually accomplish something as simple as putting in a stop sign.” I mean I’ve seen people grow old and die waiting for it to happen. I have. I can give you their names.

Okay, scratch those last sentences….

As I understand it our Council and Mayor here in Chelsea, Quebec. (We’re near the border with Ontario in case you’ve not been, although I’m fairly sure you have, given that we are now being touted as the Gem in the Hills with all sorts of pride and pleasure and tourism and rinks and gateways to parks and organic farms and oh yoga.. lots of yoga… ) our Council has requested this of you and is seriously blaming your department for your abject failure to do that which is needed to be done at that intersection. We find this very very very sad. We are your favorite place to be. The provincial and federal representatives--they're always here having their picture taken and drinking coffee and doing the spa thing. You love us. You however have neglected us. You're just taking us for granted now.

Please understand, this intersection is busy sometimes and there are children (CHILDREN! Little children! Wee little bairns!) and old people (OLD LADIES EVEN WHO COULD BE YOUR GRANDMOTHER! Your BELOVED grandmother on your father’s side) who are trying to cross that very intersection on an irregular basis. Turning left is challenging. The snowbanks are challenging. The speed of traffic is only getting worse. The density as well. Everybody is texting and driving and drinking and swearing. Does your department really want to risk all the madness and mayhem that could be inferred by not properly handling this intersection? We are not amused.

We would like at least for the moment a stop sign to be erected at this intersection. We might get all uppity and demand a roundabout or lights even.

I have been unable to reach the person who actually puts up stop signs so I am hoping you have that number handy. A quick call and we’re all set. No need to fill in any forms or check with anyone. We won’t tell anyone if you won’t. Otherwise, please advise as to why this matter has not been handled as requested and where in fact the matter is in this bureaucratic maze of pass the buck… We are at the point of putting in our own stop signs. We hate that shit. It’s cold out there. Don’t make us go out there in a blizzard to do the job your department should have done a long long time ago.

Just do it please. We want traffic lights but we’ll settle for a stop sign just for now. We would like this done before spring thaw. That’s when the bicyclists come out. And they’re insane.

Now, not that I want to say it officially or anything but the people at Tulip Valley want to donate their traffic lights to the cause because they don’t really use them. Oh hell. They never use them. Who the hell stops at that intersection for the lights? Lord thundering Jaysus Bye… You gotta wonder what on earth life has come to when you’re sitting there in the middle of nowhere waiting for the light to change when there is not a sole vehicle to be seen for miles. It just depresses us all. Makes us feel caged and insignificant in the whole scheme of things. We get depressed you know. It’s like stopping at that stop sign on the 105 at the foot of the Meredith Road. The horrible meaninglessness of life. We just stop. For no reason. We do. We all do. Because that is what we were taught to do. We don’t even question why anymore. We just… We just sit there like chickens at a ER waiting room clucking and waiting for someone to care. I know. I know… But anyway….

We don’t ask for much you know. We give you so so much! SO MUCH! And what do WE get? Oh yeah, all that tourism stuff and rinks and everything but at the heart of it all… we just want our old ladies to be safe at that intersection because we want our old people to enjoy their final years spent in taxation and misery.


Sincerely yours,
S. Shawcross, from the beleaguered town of
Chelsea, Quebec aka the jewel of the hills